Fibromyalgia

Who am I really?

Marjet has fibromyalgia. She explains that all her life she tries terribly hard in everything. She wants to do everything right, but she feels that she never does it well enough in the eyes of the other person. We call this self-esteem conflict.

When Marjet was a baby, both her parents worked hard. Her father had his own fruit farm and her mother worked in the business. Mother was home more in the winter, but was then busy with overdue household work that had been left over during the summer months.

Father used to be angry because he had five daughters and no son to take over the business. Daughter two starts acting like a boy, perhaps to accommodate father after all.

Baby among the berries

Marjet is the middle one, number three. An easy baby, she tells herself, sleeping among the berries on the fruit farm and growing up among the raspberries. Going with the flow of hard-working parents, “that was just the way it was. You can imagine that in this situation there was no time and attention for Marjet. Who is Marjet anyway?

Marjet wears a dark red vest with berry texture and a necklace with a pendant resembling berries during the HeartConnection lecture. The berries make her feel safe. After all, where were mom and dad when she was sleeping on the floor among the fruit? For a baby, this is a very unsafe situation. Biologically, the most secure feeling for a baby is with mom in the sling, so there is always physical contact with mom.

Fibromyalgia

Within Marjet’s family there were problems with her sister. Marjet was a teenager and watched helplessly as her sister developed those mental health problems. During this unpleasant, troubled period, Marjet developed fibromyalgia.

Forgotten child

Currently, Marjet has two jobs. She “rolled into it” she says. Like both her parents, she works hard. Still doing her best as an employee, as a partner, as a mother. Yet it feels like she’s failing. Especially since her youngest child does not want contact with her at this time. Her youngest child symbolizes “the forgotten child,” as did Marjet herself at the time. Children’s behavior tells their parents’ story. A pain piece that may still be processed at Marjet.

Who am I?

People with fibromyalgia find it difficult to say who they really are. It seems in their lives that “they just do whatever” and don’t really make a choice for themselves. For example, parents determine what their child will study. The child doesn’t actually think it’s okay, but also doesn’t know what else to do. Or someone is very intelligent, yet does not want to study, because he or she fears using or perhaps showing talents. The answer to the question “Who am I?” remains tricky. Meanwhile, such a person is hardly living his or her talents. This leads to dissatisfaction, a sense of failure or “I can’t do anything. The result: conscious or unconscious feelings of depression arise.

Miscommunication

In fibromyalgia, there is insufficient, poor communication between father and mother. In the body, there is poor communication between nerves (relationship with father) and muscles (relationship with mother). It may also be that the feminine and masculine parts in someone themselves have become unbalanced. In Marjet’s example, it is the parents who, due to their busy jobs, have little or no communication.

Other conflicts in fibromyalgia

Diagonal conflict also plays into fibromyalgia. For example: a child stands between two arguing parents and looks up diagonally. Or a child sits at the stairs listening to the drunken parents downstairs. Marjet lay among the berries and always looked up to see where Mom was. A baby is biologically focused on mom because mom gives the child nourishment and protection.

Last is a moral, ethical conflict or a very painful trauma that has not yet been processed. For example: a boy is in love with a girl and his parents disapprove of the girl because she has a different faith. The girl feels powerless because her in-laws totally ignore her. Or father beats his son and the boy says nothing to anyone. The boy feels powerless. This boy wants to protect his father at his own expense, even though he knows what is happening is wrong. Or a daughter must regularly pick up mother from police station because her mother steals. The daughter knows it is wrong, but watches helplessly.

Marjet’s story

We wrote down the fibromyalgia story on a white board. Next to Marjet’s story are the characteristics of fibromyalgia. HeartConnection’s explanations and questions give Marjet clarity. She can relate to her story causing fibromyalgia in her body, a story from 37 years ago now. Then she can melt with it and let it go. Marjet will take the HeartConnection Training to further understand her biological processes in her body.

She feels good after we made the HeartConnection elaboration. Thank you for your openness and for sharing with us your story of fibromyalgia, Marjet.