Month: October 2019

You learn to communicate within the family where you grew up. One is very good at communicating with a smooth chat. The other is more withdrawn and quiet. We like those with a quick chat, cozy and social. We find the silent person, the cat out of the tree viewer, boring and anti-social.

Survive

Both react from survival, from talent, originated from a conflict impact. The nature of a conflict impact, together with your DNA, legacies from your parents and ancestors, determines which strategy will work best to stay alive. We live in culture, and humans respond biologically, remember?

Conflict impact

From the point of conflict you start living, listening, talking, feeling, seeing and communicating. I always listen very carefully to the person, I already get so much out of this. For example, the person says “Yeah I didn’t see that” or “I’ll look at this again”, “You see that well” and so on. At this time, the person says his belief “I am not seen”. Practice listening. This is the beauty of HeartConnection, nothing is true, you get tools to do your own research and discover your own truth.

Rattle

For example, you agree or disagree. When you disagree, you connect-merge-release (VVL), so that you are neutral in communication. Or just rattling, just let your thoughts run wild, and then switch to VVL. Communication helps us to apply VVL and practice neutrality. Lovely to be honest in a safe environment. You learn to listen. You experience to be heard. Repeat what the other says, observe. You learn to talk from your subconscious.

24/7

If something hits what the other says, this is about me. Sometimes I feel angry, frustrated, misunderstood, screwed up, sad, unable to reach the other person, rejected, abandoned, alone, misunderstood, no trust, I don’t belong,  and so on. I keep feeling x on x my emotions, beliefs and thoughts in combination with my body. I do this 24/7. While teaching, during a conversation, in every moment.

Everything is about me. What a liberation to practice this!

 

 

Have a question?

Click here for a one-day near you .

Practice communication?

Click here for the HeartConnection Training.

Day 16 Training HeartConnection

In the morning we wake up with the question ‘When did you experience a great anxiety trauma?’ At what age was this? For example, 11 years, what happened here? What happened at the age of 11 with your father and with your mother, perhaps grandpa, grandma if you know this? We make patterns in our biography and family tree.

Then we all list our fears and I spontaneously start:

“I fear criticism”

The list of fears is endless. Everyone shares his/her vulnerability, everything is allowed and we value each other in our deepest fear.

Next we will Connect-Merge-Release (VVL) with this fear belief. In pairs with the question ‘What happens if…..’. You make a journey through practical fear possibilities and eventually you end up with many other beliefs and emotions. Within HeartConnection we connect this, merge and release it.

Daily practice

Today a student responds that she received a message yesterday by email that she will be fired. This is intense news…. She asks her husband to do the anxiety exercise “What happens if….”, and she succeeds. After VVL she feels neutral. It can go that fast. In addition, she feels confident in herself that she can do VVL, and her husband (who usually does not want to know anything about these ‘businesses’) also has a very good feeling. He feels self-confidence in himself and his wife.

This is HeartConnection in practice ‘From fear to trust’. I feel grateful, vulnerable, rich and I am very proud of every student who faces all these fears anyway. Power.

Journey

Before training, we never know what journey we are going to take. Of course every day has a theme;), see training program. We trust each other and the process, we inspire each other. Grow in consciousness, a pocket full of insights, with lots of falling pennies on the floor, in amazement everyone is happy, touched, satisfied and enriched in theory, wisdom, biology and philosophy!

Congratulations

Congratulations 30 students graduated cum laude, with the youngest student aged 7 months and the oldest 72 years old.

 

Personal question

Click here for a one-day near you .

Live in confidence

Click here for the HeartConnection Training.

Narcissism

Married a Narcissist

A person who is in so much pain and keeps defending himself not to feel that pain. Who therefore pushes the other down, denigrating, so that it seems that he is superior. Underneath is deep fear and uncertainty. You can meet narcissists in the workplace with colleagues, boss, but also with your friend(s), family, and so on. You recognize them faster and faster, if you know yourself.

Hidden fear

For example, by excluding you from contacts, so that you see less and less people, he hides the fear of losing you, the fear of being left alone.

By excluding you from finances, he thinks he has financial power over you. Out of fear of not having anything anymore, fear of losing control, fear of having nothing left.

He feels so much fear that he screams himself out. He is so afraid of being alone and manipulates the other. Arguments, manipulations, threats, kicking the other person down, thinking he is right, feeling that the whole world is a threat to him.

The other side of the coin

• You may ask yourself why you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
• Are you also afraid of being alone?
• Do you also fear the world? Do you also find other people scary?
• Do you also feel threatened in your existence?
• Isn’t it true that you are the other side of the coin?

TPMs: You Marry Your Conflicts (TPMs)

• You marry your conflicts. In this case with a strong:
• Self-Esteem TPM
• Attack TPM
• Starvation TPM
• Mother-Soul-Alone
• Identity TPM
• Territorial Anger
•  and who knows more TPMs
• click here for more information biphasicity, the start of a biological process from TPM (unprocessed trauma)

Actor

Ultimately, everything and every situation is your actor. To meet and connect unprocessed pain, to merge and to let go. Click here for more information actor (2) and the 10 basic principles and explain TPMs (7).

Want to know more?

Subscribe to Life Stories A-Z and join our Way of Life community to study life, ask questions, and explore behavior. Click herefor more information about subscription and community Way of Life.

Approved HeartConnection training

Click here for the HeartConnection Training.

A special encounter with the other and with myself

Menorca, August 2019. My friend Clara from Barcelona is coming over for two days. I look forward. We haven’t seen each other in five years. We met at an international event at the time. My life was in turmoil at that moment. I just barely drowned, I could always come up to take a breath. She traveled the world to teach, I thought for her own company at the time. In my experience, she was successful and full of self-confidence.

Conflict Active

In Menorca we go on the road together. We talk a lot, swim and enjoy. I listen, observe and evaluate. Clara now lives in Mallorca, in a small house near a large house, with a vegetable garden and various animals. It turns out she was working for a school at the time. There she was fired and she no longer works as a trainer. When I ask her about it, she first says: “In South America I don’t teach anymore, because it’s a mess.” But also in Europe, contacts had ended in conflicts. “I am an envious machine,” she explains. She tells extensively about the various conflicts with people she worked with, such as her boss and various contact persons. I’m surprised there’s no end to all the similar conflict stories she shares in so much detail and that she routinely concludes with “who cares?”. As an observer, I see that she is still conflict-active and is processing things.

Desire for recognition

Her current goal is to get confirmation for her work from doctors, she says. This shocks me: such a conscious woman, whose main goal is to get recognition for her work? I answer: “Doctors have a certain trajectory, that’s where their focus is and then it stops. In my experience, the follow-up process and how the patient feels afterwards is not the doctor’s job. Is it an idea to collect your beautiful experiences and write them down?” No, she hates that, she says. “Then you shouldn’t do this, can you film it?” I ask. She wants to give training and treat people again. “Yes, just put your focus here. Would this be your goal?” She gives some examples. A customer is in pain 24/7 and after her treatment the pain is gone. I share my experiences: “The first day the customer is 100% happy, the second day 50% and the third day the customer has forgotten that he was in pain 24/7.”

Success is what you are

Wanting to get recognition from an authority may be the pain of the recognition you didn’t get from your parents. In Clara’s experience, her parents had remained teenagers who really didn’t want to have children and didn’t want to be responsible. She felt unwanted. Funny, because she lives her mother’s wish: independent, no children, alone and a lot of travel, just as her mother would have liked. During our conversations she can also make this link herself, great. Clara thought she was successful. And this is of course true, but not for the customer. Success is what you are. Everything you do, you do for yourself.

Life is a workshop

I smile and spontaneously receive a five-year evaluation. How I have grown, happy and relaxed, I think now. I am happy with myself and full of energy. I dare to say: ‘ Marjolein I am so proud of you. What mountains you have moved, how clever when you look at where you come from and how you are doing now. Dear Marjolein, never doubt yourself, you are doing so well. Enjoy your children, you are also a whopper in this, see how beautiful they are. Life is a workshop, you meet in the moment you are allowed to meet. Have faith in this, do the things you like, everything you do you do for yourself. To be a more beautiful, better person, wife, trainer and especially mother. Your goal is to grow in consciousness, to be true to yourself in everything you do and in every choice you make.”

I want to say to myself and everyone:

‘Good luck, I believe in you!’

 

Personal question

Click here for a one-day near you .

Life is a workshop

Click here for the HeartConnection Training.